I hate how you were the end to my convention.

I managed to hold it together,

Just until I reached the car,

I think my ride hates you, too.

She had to listen to me cry like a little kid

All the way to Indiana…

That’s how long it took, two hundred miles,

To realize you weren’t worth the tears.

But even writing this, I want to cry.

You saw me, I know it.

Because for the ten seconds that I was frozen,

My feet stuck in place…

Our eyes made contact, and I know you saw.

But then, like nothing happened, you kept walking.

Not looking back

No halting or even a slight pause

No sign that you missed me.

That’s what hurt, I can’t deny it.

You kept walking, as if I never mattered.

It was as if we had never spoke,

Never said you loved me,

Never MADE love to me,

Never promised that we were made for each other…

I thought I could handle the minutes after,

I felt his eyes on me, confused and concerned.

I thought I could stand being in the same building,

But the anger and hurt boiled over

And I stormed out,

But not before you had the chance to see me again.

You did the same thing twice,

Broke my heart, or what was remaining, once again.

But boy, You’ve let yourself go.

I hate how you were the end.

To my childhood innocence,

To my pride,

And to my belief that someone could truly

Find happiness in loving and being loved by me.

I hate how you made me so happy,

That when it was over, I wanted to die.

I hate how you were the end of my convention…

And even though I promised myself,

And I promised my friends, the ones who stayed,

I wouldn’t cry if I saw you…

I did.

I cried as if my best friend had just died,

As if I had lost everything and was completely alone.

But I guess, In a way, I was.

Just because it was over for you,

Because you could end it so plainly over the internet…

Doesn’t mean it was over for me.

I’m still not sure it’s over for me.

I hate how you were the end of my convention,

And I was never even a part of yours.

"I wait, but I'm too tired to play pretend. I'll suffocate until the end."

Awesome flipping song by Motion City Soundtrack. +sigh+ so it's been almost three months since Zac dumped me over the internet, and quite frankly, I'm glad he's gone. Anyone who does that to a person they're supposed to be marrying is a JERK. And then there is the whole drama with the hotel room at Acen. (His exact words: "I hope you have an alternative place to stay, because I removed you from our room.")

Enough about Zac. I'm not going to waste myself ranting about him....but I'll rant about guys in general.

Guys! WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU ALL SO CRAZY? Yeah, I know. Us girls are pretty hormonal, but still. How is it you can go from "I really really like you" to "I think I really really like you" to "I like you but not enough to date you" and then back to "I really really like you" in a nano-second? It is so flipping confusing! >:[ It's like me going "I want candy! Oh wait, no. I want pizza." and then once we order the pizza, pay for it, and it gets to my house and you've dished it out on plates I'm all "Um...thanks for the pizza-but I really wanted candy."

Actually, that's a terrible metaphor. :[ Because technically, you're not paying for anything like you're paying for pizza. That would make me a prostitute, which I am not. :/

First you're all affectionate, than you're all "Holly, you're too affectionate. Tone it down." and you won't even hold my hand, then you're back to being affectionate again. It's MADDENING! Ever heard of mixed signals? You should never become a traffic cop, or there would be a 26-car pile up on your conscience. Am I being a bit spastic and harsh? Hell yes. You won't ever read this, you barely read my text messages. (Unless you're being affectionate for some particularly random reason.) +deep inhale+

Is it because of me going away to college? If so, that's an idiotic reason. I think I should have some say in the situation if that is the case...>_<

Anyways! Other news.

*5 more weeks of school and then I'm a high school graduate :3
* I'm going to Xavier University! Yep! I got ins :]

*Shout! My literary showcase is tomorrow night and I'm MEGA nervous :o
*Prom is the 25th and my dress is GORGEOUS :]]]]]
*I saw my mom and siblings recently.
*I have a band concert thursday I don't really want to go to :/
*I'm off to a doctor's appointment.

Ok, so I think that finishes my angry blogging :3

<3 Bye!